It's Christmas Eve and I feel like I have been in my kitchen for the last month preparing for parties, making gifts, etc., etc. It has been good to be busy. However, I find myself this morning with a little bit of time on my hands and the need to put my thoughts on paper. Maybe it will help and I won't be an emotional basket case all day!
In so many ways, Christmas Eve holds more memories than Christmas Day. We always have friends over on Christmas Eve and for the last 16 years, my parents have always been here on Christmas Eve, with the exception of maybe a year or two. Last year was hard without them, but we changed up our routine a little, went to someone else's house for our Christmas Eve dinner, and skipped the candlelight service at church. It helped.
This year we are in our new house which helps a little, but I am still struggling. My inlaws are on their way here now and our house will be filled with wonderful friends in just a few short hours. I'm so thankful for each one of them and how they have helped to ease the pain of losing my parents. My mom used to always say that "you've got five minutes to feel sorry for yourself and then you need to pull up your big girl panties and get on with it". I'm taking my five minutes now.
Memories are a wonderful thing, but so many of them are still so painful. I remember so many Christmas Eves with the Hyders and our family, exchanging crazy gifts, eating, and playing games. I remember so many mornings getting up and seeing my dad in the living room in our old green chair drinking his coffee and waiting for everyone to get up. I remember my mom crying over so many gifts. We always said she cried easier than she peed! It was true! I remember her putting garlic powder in the apple pie by mistake and trying to rinse off the apples, trying to give her the easy jobs in the kitchen that didn't involve knives because she would always cut herself. I remember years of making Christmas cookies. Maybe one of the most painful, yet strangely enjoyable memories for this year has been the ugly big colored bulbs that my dad used to put on the house every year. I used to pick at him all the time and tell him how horribe they were and he kept telling me he was going to wrap them up for me and give them to me for Christmas. Well, he wasn't lying. I found them in the bottom of their Christmas tub. They have now been covered in glitter and are the centerpiece on my dining room table. He would be so proud of how well they turned out. My dad was a man of few compliments, but every Christmas he would compliment me on how good everything was. Last, but not least, I have been using these two yellow tupperware measuring cups all week. These things are older than dirt people, and my mother has had them forever. Every time I measure something with them I can't help but think of her. Strange, maybe, but it is the little things.
What I have found on this journey is that I must allow myself to feel everything as it comes. This is where I am today. It's not pretty, but it's honest. In a few minutes, I will get up, dust myself off, reapply the makeup that I have cried off, and go and do what I need to do today. I will pull up my big girl panties and get on with it because my mother told me to.
Monday, December 24, 2012
The Memories are Still Painful
Saturday, December 1, 2012
Introducing...Chillie...
Okay, so lately I have seen many remarks about the Elf on the Shelf on facebook, and I am admitting in public forum that I am "that" person. :) And I am having a ball!
We have never really promoted Santa with our kids. We might have a little Santa fun from year to year and put out cookies and milk or something like that, but at the end of the day our kids know that their gifts come from us and that Jesus is who we celebrate at Christmas. If you don't know the story behind the Elf on the Shelf, it comes in a box with a book that tells everyone that Santa has sent him to basically keep an inventory of who is being naughty and nice. At night, the Elf flies back to the North Pole to report on our behavior. And, he sometimes gets in to trouble around the house and always ends up in a different spot. I found a twist to all of this on Pinterest that I loved. Some may not agree with me, some may think I'm talking out of both sides of my mouth. You are all welcome to your opinion, but this worked for me. The twist on Pinterest was that, instead of the book that comes with the Elf, this lady wrote a letter to her kids from "Santa". She wanted her kids to understand that the one that we celebrate is Jesus, but that it is also okay to have a little Santa fun. The letter explains that Santa does not keep a list of rights and wrongs because Jesus came to die for our sins and because of His great love for us, He extends so much grace to us. The letter explains that the Elf is just learning how to be an Elf and sometimes gets into trouble at night and that we would need to extend lots of grace to him as he learns, just like Jesus does with us. So, I put the book in the closet and put the letter in the box. The kids are loving it, especially Tyler. We had to name the Elf and the kids came up with Chillie. Kayla wanted Willie off of Duck Dynasty and Tyler wanted to name him Cheerio, so we compromised. Every morning when we get up and see what Chillie has done, I say to Tyler, "what are we going to do with this Elf?". His response, "just show him grace". It makes me smile and the whole family is having fun with it. I am not doing crazy, make a mess, up at 3:00 a.m. kind of stuff. Thought I would show you all some pictures. Most of them have come off of Pinterest. Have I mentioned that I LOVE Pinterest???
