Is It Worth It?

About three weeks ago, I started an exercise class that, for most people, in any kind of shape would probably just be an intense workout. Since I am NOT in any kind of shape except big and round, for me it is a matter of life and death every time I go. I would love to tell you that I have enjoyed every minute of this class, but that would be a lie. I love how I feel when the class is over and I have gotten home and had a shower and my legs and arms have regained a little stability and no longer feel like jelly - does that count? Seriously, this class is called Body Boot Camp - heard of it? Basically it goes like this... I have paid money to be abused! Our drill seargant, her name is ma'am, is about a size 0, has a six pack that any man would kill to have, and she loves the great outdoors. So, our workouts are outdoors, unless it is raining, and then, if she thinks it is not unsafe, those will be outdoors also. So, for an hour, she yells at us. My name is Recruit. If, at this point, you think I'm joking, please stay with me - this is NO joke.

I'm doing this class with a friend from work and the first night that we showed up I wondered what in the world I was getting myself into. We were running slightly behind because of a mix up in where we thought we were supposed to be. So, as we enter the class, Ma'am begins telling all of us what happens if we are late - Scissorkicks! And lots of them! And, they are not just for the ones who are late. If anybody is late and didn't call to tell her you were going to be late, the whole class does scissorkicks. Apparently scissor-kicks are her favorite exercise because she also likes to make us do these if we are not following directions well, if we don't count loud enough, you get the picture. My body has learned to despise scissor-kicks. Now, if you don't know what scissor-kicks are, let me enlighten you. Flat on your back, feet six inches off the ground (not six feet, as Ma'am would say) and you lift one leg at a time, never touching the ground. If you are thinking these don't sound too hard, please let me come over and show you how they are REALLY supposed to be done, because if it don't hurt, you ain't doing it right! Okay, so back to the first night. She is telling us all this and then we begin to exercise and she is yelling at us and I just could NOT help it - I started laughing. What can I say? Uncomfortable situations make me laugh hysterically. After a few minutes when I realized that Ma'am was for real, I tried to stop laughing because I was afraid she might want 20 pushups or something.

So, what did I learn on the first night? I learned that I do NOT know how to do a jumping jack or a side-straddle hop as Ma'am calls them. I learned that people who are well-endowed in their upper body(and I ain't talking about triceps) need to be extremely careful when jumping around. I also learned that I actually CAN run, though it is not very pretty, and I run like a girl. I learned a whole new meaning for "pushing yourself", and I also learned that you can exercise for an hour and not throw-up. I didn't even have to call my husband to come drive me home. For the day after the first night of boot camp, I learned that your body can really hurt ALL OVER, that you DO, indeed, have muscles that you may never know about, and that pain relievers are the BOMB!

On Friday, I will end my third week of boot camp. I have pushed myself like I never knew I could. As a matter of fact, last night I pushed myself so hard that I made myself sick. Seriously, we exercise on this track and right beside where we exercise is a porta-potty. Wasn't that nice of them to put that there for us? I make it a point never to go into a porta-potty unless it is a dire emergency. So, you can imagine where I was at last night and how I was feeling when the porta-potty was beginning to look like a great place for me to hang out. I made it through all the exercising, made it through an intense jogging/walking situation, and made it part way through stretching before I knew I either needed to sit down or call a medic! I opted for sitting down. I had not felt that great yesterday anyway - Craig thinks I have walking pneumonia, but, ya'll, you don't not want to miss a night of boot camp because that just means it is really going to stink when you go back. Oh, did I mention that there are kids practicing soccer on the field that we exercise on? Yea, so not only are you working out like a dog, but you also have an audience! Isn't that special? I am learning to really get over what people think of me. Like last night for instance, there was this doctor running his laps on the track - he is not in our class, apparently, he just likes to run for fun. I do not even try to understand that! Anyway, I am running/power-walking and, basically, breathing like an elephant who has been out for his morning jog, and Dr. Man goes running by barely sweating and this is, like, the fifth time that he has lapped me. Do NOT think that I am so saintly that I didn't seriously think about tripping him.

I guess that is it for now on the humiliations of boot camp. I have to get up from my chair now or else the muscles in the lower half of my body will cramp up and I will be here all day. Sorry for any mental pictures that you have had to endure while reading this!