Parenting 101

I'm getting ready to bare my soul so watch out! Seriously, I have been having some major struggles in the parenting area as well as in my personal walk with God. Do you have those times when you know something isn't right? Maybe you don't know why or what it is or maybe, like me, you have an idea of what it is, but you are not sure you are ready to go down that road? My life just took a turn down that road. Between the video that I posted several days ago and several devotion entries that I have been reading over the past week things have come to head. Let me see if I can put into words what I have come up with. First of all, I hope that you took the time to watch the video about Audrey. I cannot thank Abbie enough for posting that on her blog - it has rocked my world! It really made me stop and think about what a blessing my children are. So much of the time I get frustrated and impatient because what they are doing isn't what I would like them to be doing - maybe it is interrupting me, maybe I forget what age they are at, maybe...., you get the point. That video really made me realize how important they are to me. I cannot imagine my life without them. But, it also made me realize something else. Todd and Angie lost their little girl, and it is so obvious from their video and their blog that, yes, they are indeed grieving, but they are also shining for the Lord. I can't help but think about what their kids are seeing in them. That made me think about what my own children see in me. What am I reflecting? It is so easy for me to sit back and say I have good, well behaved children, because, for the most part, I do. It is easy for me to say that we are raising them in a Christian home because we are. BUT, I have really stopped to think about that verse in Proverbs that says, "Bring up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it." I have heard that verse my whole life and I think somehow I have begun to add my own interpretation to it. You see, I always think, I discipline my kids, I teach them to be respectful and mannerly, I have them in church, so we are doing pretty good. I began to get really convicted though because it seems that I see so many families just like this and when their kids get older they DO depart. Why is that? You know, that verse is a promise. It doesn't leave any room for misinterpretation. God very clearly says, "If you do this, I will do this." So, that brings me to the "in the way he should go" part of that verse. Craig and I went out on a date last night and we spent a ton of time discussing this - what is the way they should go. Yes, it is good for them to be in church, it is good for them to be respectful, it is good for them to be disciplined. However, what do they see in me on a daily basis? What are my attitudes and my responses teaching them? What do they see me watching on TV or what do they hear me listening to on the radio? You know, I am a huge country music fan and I never really thought that much about it until I heard Tyler singing, "She thinks my tractor's sexy." It's kind of funny until you really stop to think about it. Is that something I want my four year old running around singing? You know, we often say, would you be doing that, or saying that if Jesus was sitting beside you? How often we forget that He really is. So that is my challenge and my goal for this point in my life - I want my kids to see Jesus in me. I have heard ugly things being said around my house and I fussed about it the other day until I realized that Kayla was talking to Tyler the same way that I sometimes talk to her. Ouch! That was not a pretty realization, but a most needed one.
So, that is where my thoughts have been the past week or so. I can feel God moving me into a deeper walk and relationship with Him and it is so sweet, but it doesn't come about without change and change is difficult and sometimes painful, but so worth it! Keep me accountable!